Can you think of a better way to show clients we appreciate them than this sterling silver rocket (a bargain at under $2 G)?
Ok, maybe a gold one, I guess. Or platinum.

to the current economic crisis?

Paul: How can the bananas be brown and green?

Steve: They start as green and go straight to black. It’s God’s little joke.

Jackie: I think it’s our fruit supplier’s little joke.

Paul: God IS our fruit supplier, Jackie.

(It might just be me, but I can’t stop smiling at the content of this conversation … or maybe you had to be there. I’m glad I was!)

Fun with old business cards. Instructions on how to make your own are here.

1-800-201-7575

Search the site all you want, you will not find Amazon.com’s CSN. This isn’t because Amazon.com does not have a CSN, instead, they’d rather you didn’t find it. You can visit their help department, and even their return department (and I’m sure a few other places), and find a menu with lots of topics to choose from — for your reading pleasure. Recently added to the site are links on these pages to contact CS by email or by phone. Email is easy enough, if you don’t mind waiting a day. However, if you’d like to speak w/a CSR by phone, don’t expect to find their number when you click on the link. Instead, a pop-up window appears and you’ll need to fill out a Request call back form. No where on the site will you find a number to call Amazon. If my memory serves me correctly, I once located a number for them about 3 years ago, but it was buried far, far into the site. And I could never find it again.

So, my GS friends, I’m sharing it with all of you. And in the words of Timothy Noah, columnist for Slate magazine:

Let it spread across the land like a prairie fire. Let it peal from a thousand bells. Let it fall like gentle snowflakes. Let it be known, this day, that the customer service number for Amazon is

1-800-201-7575

You’re welcome.

I have a theory …

As an avid conspiracy theorist (actually, I prefer the term “conspiracy factualist”), the recycling kerfuffle the other day logically led me to believe that our cleaning people are under the control of “Big Paper.” It all makes sense. With the summer picnicking season nigh upon us, demand for quality paper products is on the rise, which we all know “drives up” the price of crude paper on the world market. (Of course, what this really means is that price-gouging paper fat cats seize on the opportunity to raise the price of napkins to ridiculous levels.)

How do you fight these price increases? Increase the supply, of course.

What’s one way to do that? Lots of recycling.

How do reduce the supply of crude paper and keep paper prices high? Supress recycling, of course!

It all fits. Who better to draw into their vast conspiracy than poor Eastern European (potentially “undocumented”?) immigrants? Eager to earn a meager living, they don’t speak the language and are easily influenced with the promise of trinkets and baubles. The perfect foils. Thank goodness Amie uncovered the nefarious scheme and blew the proverbial whistle (via e-mail)!

But I fear it hasn’t stopped there, my friends. You’ll recall that among the most vocal critics of the recycling snafu was one Kari Schulz. “This thing with the cleaners is completely unacceptable!” [emphasis added] she raged. And what happened? POOF! By the end of the day she was gone, whisked away in an unmarked van (or so I presume) to God knows where. All we can do now is pray she does not wind up in the hands of James Watt*. More likely, she will be set loose on a remote Wyoming ranch to be hunted down by Dick Cheney and his merry band of Big Paper cronies (Big Paper and Big Oil often vacation together).

And yes, that means that here at GS it goes to the very top. How do we know what *really* goes on up there at The Highlands, anyway? “Manhunts” are real, folks. I saw it on Giligan’s Island!

So … I don’t know about you, but I’m going to stop recycling immediately. Screw the environment — I want to live!!!

*Former Secretary of the Interior under Ronald Reagan and notorious tree hater. Unnamed sources have informed me he now runs a secret Abu Ghraib-style detainment camp for recycling sympathizers.

A lot of talk about recycling and whatnot going around the office. Since we are apparently very much a Earth friendly company, I’d suggest everyone take the time to set up their energy savers on their computers. I notice a lot of Macs that stay on all night long. That electricity killing the planet, man! Sleep mode on newer computers is mostly fool proof. They use hardly any electricity and wake up very quickly. It’s like turning your computer off without actually shutting it down. Give it a whirl. If not for your planet, then for GS’s electric bill.

Who’s responsible for putting the icons on the server links? Those fruity ones are freaking me out? It took me awhile to remember what they are, but now I know (sort of): They’re characters from the old Wyler’s brand of pre-sweetened Kool Aid-like drink mixes. The only character name I can remember, however, is Goofy Grape (it’s the one my brother liked best).

Anybody else remember this, or just me?

Anybody know the name of the product or the names of the characters (cherry and raspberry, I believe) used as our icons.

Help me before I freak out more!!